oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the condom got lost in my hair
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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