I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
