I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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