I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize