Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Houston, we have a blender
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
