As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
