I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
