Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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