I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
