WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
