dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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