Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
