She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
