her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
