i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
