I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
