is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
