Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
