i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
