that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize