I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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