i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize