He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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