You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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