This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
