Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
