Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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