Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
