I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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