I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
