take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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