If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it glows. i had to have it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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