Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
