Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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