Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
