I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
