You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
