Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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