He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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