i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
