apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize