The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
