why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
