I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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