Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
try to milk me bitch
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