As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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