we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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