I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize