Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
