I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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