I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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