She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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