mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
barbara walters just said penis...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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