I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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