You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
