ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
