the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
