I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
