she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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