he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
