The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
