Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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