I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
