Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
