yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
