Princesses don't give blow jobs
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
