you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
