I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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