Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
