time to smoke my breakfast
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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