So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
