Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
