She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
