...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
