woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
