Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
