i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
