More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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