oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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