Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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