Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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