i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
