Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
