wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
