I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
