You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i believe in u and ur pee
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
