If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
