Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
