Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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